Two years ago at the Fringe, in a darkened room in Cowgatehead from which there was little chance of escape, a bellowing African dictator had our slightly scared reviewer in stitches. President Obonjo was the dictator’s name and he is back on a state visit to the Fringe to offer us citizenship of the Lafta Republic. Through secret diplomatic channels, we were able to secure a little time with the President to press him on some key issues…
Mr President, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak to us. How is life in the Lafta Republic?
Lafta Republic is growing since I last visited Scotland, with so many refugees admitted into our great nation. We have seen an increase in American refugees since the American election. We welcome them with much affection. I suspect we will also see an increase in British refugees once Britain quits Europe in 2019. What a complete disaster for the people of Britain!
You know I am a President that believes in globalisation, and the free movement of people around the world. There are so many unhappy citizens of other countries around the world. Let’s make the world great again, rather than one country great again.
What is the purpose of your visit to Edinburgh?
I had a great time and achieved more success in 2015 with the show President Obonjo Stole My Identity. This time around I return with a brand new show entitled The Rise of a Comedy Dictator. In the age of Trump, populism and Brexit, the world doesn’t need another bloated ego pretending to give easy solutions. What we need is a comedy character who skewers them with precision, hilarity and who isn’t afraid of showing vulnerability. I lead a comedy revolution which addresses world issues and recruit new members to the Lafta Republic Army. They will help me conquer the Comedy World.
You may know we had a general election recently. It didn’t quite go as our Prime Minister planned. What can you teach her about strong and stable leadership?
What a disaster! Cruella has turned Britain into a laughing stock across the world! Frankly, I am not a fan of elections. It cost British taxpayers £130 million. What a waste of resources. And £1 billion for DUP? Cash for votes! There is a cheaper option – military coups. It costs less, no publicity leaflets, no advertising and it offers strong and stable dictatorship.
Brexit is another thing on a lot of people’s minds. What can the Lafta Republic offer the UK when we leave Europe? Will you be one of our new trade partners?
Brexit means Brexit. The likes of Cameron should be locked up for offering idiots the opportunity to vote for a referendum, putting party politics before the country. Apart from performing at the Fringe, I had time to talk to Theresa May about how Lafta Republic can open the doors for Britain to join the African Union. We have only one condition: getting rid of the pound and changing your currency to a tin-pot currency.
What do you think of our politicians? Is there anyone you think you can work with?
Your politicians are a dying breed. They are not politicians, but careerists. I can’t see myself working with any one of them. Except Corbyn. I like his principles. We have a lot in common. My comedy is for the many not the few. Comedy from the heart, just like Corbyn winning hearts and minds to start a revolution.
Last time we saw you in Edinburgh, you threatened to have some of the audience members shot. What’s your policy on audience behaviour?
That show was full of madness. I shot many and received many medals for my comedy bravery. This time around I need the audience to help me start a revolution. Since my last performance in Edinburgh, I have been acquiring English wives from the audiences whilst their husbands, wives, girlfriends and partners watch. I am looking for audience members ready to die for me.
Will you be doing any other business in Edinburgh? Meeting the Scottish Government? Maybe a reception at Holyrood Palace?
My people have just informed me that Nicola Sturgeon has suspended her idea of a second referendum. That’s a sensible decision but I see opportunities for Lafta Republic. Not many people know this but I am the illegitimate son of the late Idi Amin Dada, the last King of Scotland, and I know he offered Scotland independence and to join Uganda. I want to make sure my father’s dream is fulfilled. I will meet Nicola and offer Scotland the opportunity to join Lafta Republic. This will give them independence from the British.
What is your message to the people of Scotland?
I am the funniest dictator. Not Trump. Come and watch my show. Scotland needs to join Lafta Republic.
President Obonjo: The Rise of a Comedy Dictator is @ Waverley Bar, Edinburgh from Sat 5 – Sun 27 Aug 2017 @ 6:15pm