Planned that summer break yet? Quite like the sound of building sandcastles whilst taking hallucinogenic drugs and wearing wigs? Well, this film just might have a few top tips for that all inclusive, or tell you what to avoid when you’re looking for that City Break before it turns into a shitty break.

Four best friends from high school rent a seaside cottage for a week at the seaside. Sugar (Maggie Ross), Lorelie (Lydia Hyslop), Donna (Treiste Kelly Dunn) and Dee Dee (Melaine Sisk) catch up on all that gossip and wigs. Totally! So there they are in their pink house on the beach front, it’s a bit like how you would imagine Girls’ Aloud live – all one big happy family in one big pink house. But it soon becomes apparent that they have nothing to say to each other, or it could be that there aren’t any decent lines in the script. What follows is a lot of grocery shopping in wigs, sun bathing, drinking games, and copping off with each other.

After a night of taking what is apparently acid but look very close to sugar cubes followed by a “trip” sequence which looks like Wham’s Wake Me Up Before You Go Go video after one of them has choked on a glow stick. It probably would have made a lot more sense if they’d handed the drugs to the audience too. They wake up the next morning to find, one of them lying face down in the pool. I have never wished for a team synchronized swimming moment more. Not just one dead, but all of them. And so it goes. The fun just never starts.

This film really has some candy floss cult status aspirations, but ultimately delivers a hideous cocktail of clunky sparse lines, garish cartoonish characters and an excuse for a little soft porn in an afternoon. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but Vacation! is like the sand in your pants – irritating and about as much fun as two weeks in a caravan on the west of coast Scotland in the rain, in November, without a bottle opener and no dice for the Junior Monopoly.

Showing @ Filmhouse 1, 20th June 22:00