So, the world is engulfed in recession; our postmen and women are striking faster than a charlie’d-up rattlesnake; Dan Brown’s released another golden turkey and it’s still nigh on impossible to travel anywhere in Edinburgh via bus in under two hours. Surely, we could be forgiven for climbing Arthur’s Seat as one and doing what lemmings do best? Well, as a matter of fact, there is something quite remarkable happening in the world that might ensure we aren’t quite ready to meet our maker. The news over recent weeks has been most encouraging on the World Peace Front. No, that isn’t a terrorist faction, merely a coming together of signs that maybe the world isn’t tumbling into a nuclear winter that will last a damn sight longer that this summer did. President Obama announces that he won’t be sighting his missile defence shield in Poland and consequently Russia won’t be forced to move its decrepit nuclear arsenal a few steps closer to Middle Europe. The shield will now be deployed on US ships sailing the Med. Hmmm, why not just bung them on a few Thompson cruise ships and kill two birds with one missile?
Don’t have to worry so much about our aging population anymore; two thousand octogenarians have gone up in smoke after an 82 year old woman hit the self-destruct button on the missile launcher. She had thought she was ordering a mug of leek and potato from the vending machine. It was all those flashing lights!
Apparently, this shield was originally designed to stop long-range missiles from Iran striking the Eastern seaboard of the U.S.A. Who were they trying to kid? Years after the proposed plans and Iran’s missile capabilities are still about as potent as a man on a camel with an RPG. You don’t need a missile shield; a medieval one would do the trick. Moving east we come to another of the infamous ‘Axis of Evil’ powers. No article on war, peace and missiles would be complete without a look at North Korea. Rumours are rife that the only person whose World Police puppet looks more human than he does is allegedly grooming his son to take over the reins as Kim’s health continues to fail. 26 year old Jong Un is an unknown quantity but surely he cannot be as mad and megalomaniacal as his father. I mean that would be like Kim Jong Ill being as brain-crazy and despotic as his own father Kim Sung Ill…oh …erm…ooops, I see where this is going, because Kim Jong Ill is even crazier than his own father was and if that trend continues that means not only will Jong Un be the ultimate Bond Villain but he’s young enough to keep us on the brink for the next 50 years. Your eccentric Uncle’s old fall-out shelter just might have its uses after all.